lilin >_

hmm… i tink if there’s ever a competition for the longest and slowest computer start-up, i tink they shud enter the comps frm my skool’s lab. wao…. not bad!

im ok. my drum instructor sayz that we mz tink positiv (i tink he’;s kinda like cheating himself, cz wen we said that his glasses lookd weird, he said dat we meant it lookd nice. ha!)

problem wit fren almost solved, i think. things starting to clear up i tink. but guess there’s stil sum issues that we havn rilly tok, n dun dare to tok, in case we hurt each other again… so i guess it’s better to jz let things b, n bury the past?

neway, iv got TONS n KILOTONS of homeworks. project’s behind schedule by 2weeks! yikes… so guess gonna jz conc on my projects. usm-ers, there’s adwave openning ceremony on april fool’s day in dewan budaya, (no joke), hehe… jazzband’l be there for a short gig. feel free to kepo la…

for the rest, be positive. b hapi! haha… at least try to feel that way la… im trying =)

u noe, i honestly beliv that a threesome cannot occur till i met two of my best frens in uni. we had helluva time together: alwiz doing tings n crapping n havvin plain fun. and now, jz like dat, i beliv our frenship is to the point of breaking.

i dunno, rite now im feeling pretty useless n helpless n there’s nothing i can do to mend dis, nowhere i can go n jz … nothing…been led to tink dat im the one who caused dis…y cant i jz keep to my homeworks n go nosing into other activities? had too much fun, till i didn noe dat iv hurt others…n i rilly DIDN mean to hurt her. so now, our threesome turned into a two+onesome…im in two, she’s the hurt one. i rilly hope that im the one now, so dat the two of them can still maintain dis frenship, but…

i mean, human relationships are so hard to forge, dat’s y it’s so precious, n yet, it’s so fragile…

jz venting it out, been in my head for a coupla days now, jz nidd to say it out…

                                 ’so blessed, i cant contain it,

                                 so much iv gotta giv it away!’

ha, dat’s the phrase dat’s been playing in my mind the whole morning! how true, how true! things were going superbly great for me these past two days, n i rilly hope dat itl continue to go weel too (tamak! hehe). had a horrible day on fri n half of sat, but sat evening n sun n monday n today had been glorious!!!

fri was the worst day for me cz i found out that sun was the band competition day n one of the main players balik kampung d n cudn make it for the competition (v didn noe dat it was dis sunday, tot it was on the 18th). n then a lot of things went wrong also that day, wudn gloat on it. sat’s 1st blessing came wen one of my coursemates offered to drive us to PAM for our briefing (u noe PAM here is located in amoy lane, a lane wer most penangites dunno abt it’s existence, a lane so small dat u actually see JALAN SEHALA but not amoy lane, so v absolutely think dat they shud rename it to one way lane instead of amoy lane! ha!). but the guys there r rilly nice, n they even offered to send our resumes to companies in kl if v want a sem-break part time… so cool!

then went to prangin for shopping n didn noe the value of money until one super embarrasing thing happend!u see, i was shopping dat day without counting my eggs first, n finally wen i went into this shop i saw a rilly cool necklace n i passd the necklace to the cashier. wut happend was wen i rummaged thru my wallet, there’s oni 3 sheets of miserable RM1 staring back at me!!!! oh nooo…. i quietly mumbled to the cashier n CABUT frm dat place!!! arghhh… how memalukan! haha…

and on the way home i got bullied by an old uncle who kept telling the woman sitting opposite him dat i hav absolutely no manners! aihseh… wut happend was there’s this old uncle who wanted to get in n he mumbled softly in hokkien. i din noe (act, din hear) wut he was saying so he pushed me aside in the mini bus (n everyone noe’s how legendary is the size of penang’s MINI bus), so i jz look bewilderd (coz sudah terperanjat rite?) n this great other uncle was scolding me y i din let the other uncle pass and whoa a whole lot of mess n everything! o my goodness, rilly felt like whacking him hard on the head! i rilly din noe wut was happening n being there alone in a strange place can rilly turh ur spirits down. so i steppd as far as possible frm him n ignored him ler, n then he has to say ‘HALLO! got place already u still dowan to sit r - in hokkien of course!’.n the only thing playing in my mind was ‘wut is wrong wit this uncle?’. aih… mayb i look like mudah dibuli. n the whole bus load of people was jz staring at me wit ultra discontempt (i can jz feel it!) ha! aih…. so the moral is, nvr get into troubles wit old uncles…n after i steppd down frm the bus, went for band practice n had an ultra issue wit punctuality a couple of times…. things went rilly bad, huh? not to mntion i was ultra tired cz no sleep for 3 nites thanks to projects n SUPER mosquitos yang tak takut insect repellent!

neway… things rilly changed 180 degrees suddenly dat nite. went for kungfu nite, not bad, but was sleeping half of the time… (personal factor, not the show!), then went to fren’s place to celeb sum1’s bday. then on sunday, band competition. mood’s down due to the punctuality thing again, n rilly dun hav the confidence of joining the comp cz keyboard arrangement wasnt dat great n main violinist’s missing and other groups were jz fantastic!so the results came, all the anticipated groups passd the qualifying round and…the last group that’s going to the finals is…my group!!! imagine my super surprise! the finals dat will be held in petaling jaya dis end of april (national state man!!!)! whoa…. works of god, not man!

monday evening’s went normally, and at midnite, my frens unexpectedly crashd into my dorm to celeb my birthday!cool! rilly unexpected! n so we were celeb-ing in the dark coz my room mate was sleeping (haha… romantic eh?)… so it’s kinda rilly cool!

and there’s a whole lot more of miracles dat happend … jz too much to state!

m saying dis not to show off or anything, but jz to encourage u guys dat wen things get rilly ultra bad, dun giv up! u nvr noe when things will suddenly change the different way! haha

okiez, hav fun everyone. (im havin the time of my life…)

hmmm… i noe i promised ya dat il continue the last blog, but now i doesnt seem so important d… so let’s jz let it R.I.P???

yep, the topic today is… INSECURITIES. weird topic i noe. lemme tel u how dis topic came abt. last sunday, i suddenly had dis urge to go to church, and so i went to church (duh…). during youth we  had dis girly tok abt bgr (read: boy-girl relationship) and dat iv learnt dat love to men is changing light bulbs n driving girls home n even pouring them a cup of h20 can be counted as love! haha…. anyways, at the main service, the pastor was toking abt insecurities n suddenly i realised that most of us felt insecured at all times…

tel tale signs of insecurites: comparing with others, always wanting other people’s approval, worry dat u din perform well, and others (was sleepy during sermon, sori r… hehe). and then i realised dat most people behave the way they do (n trust me, it was mostly self centred n super annoying) because they felt insecure. some people are labelld AA (read: attract attention) because… well they wanted the attention (duh…). u noe how youngsters r, they want the fame, glamor n glory…

seriously tho, insecurity can really destroy sum1 coz they dun actually act the REAL them in front of other people. so by and by they wudn even noe the REAL them cz theyv been switching roles every now n then… and on the other part, isn’t it very hard for someone to act different than their true self? all these troubles jz to please sum1 who moght not even be important to u??? neway, dis actually reminds me of avril’s complicated wher she said ‘i like the way u r, bla bla bla, but you’r somebody else wen everyone is watching ur back like u cant relax, u try to b cool but live like a fool to me’. how true dat is…

why do we act cool? sometimes i act cool too (o at least i tot it was cool! ha!)… come to think of it, didn noe wut was i thinkin. mayb i jz wanted to impress others. mayb i jz wanted to make others so ‘aaawww’. mayb i wanted others to have a memorable impression of me. or mayb i was jz plainly n crystal clearly a fool…

think we shud stay true to ourselves. no point trying to be sum1 whom we r not. coz coolness is jz wut people perceive. if everyone turns into a ice cube cool guy, then the world wudn be any more fun, wud it? life wud be monotonous again…

so here, stay true n b confident abt urself k? shud stop the self denial of wanting to b urself but afraid of wut people may think of u…

iv got a rilly xciting week dis week, n i mean it literally! on monday we had a presentation wer everyone presentd in BAHASA MELAYU!!! whew… so i was scared ******** but moreover put on a dumbo brave face n went out there, which actually turnd out to be super disasterous! i was more scared than i thought! aih… never had these presentattion jitters all my life n now??? neway, i always tot that people dont dare to go out front coz theyr shy, but then now i think it’s bcoz of language problems. imagine if ur already scared ******** n ur fidgeting here n there and everyone looking at u expectantly and … and u nid to process ur choice of words! wut a nightmare… time to polish my bm…

at nite, fren askd me to sit in for him at band practice for piano. whoa… in strings u can actually pretend that ur playing wen ur not coz there’l be other peps covering u up, but in piano, it’s actually a one man show! neway, managed to scrape that thru, tho i think those student conductors may b complotting to kill me n throw me down the cliff now, for all i noe…haha… but actually, it’s quite an interesting experience… wudn mind doin it again, hehe

found a n apartment at last. beautifully furnised at a reasonable price, wow!!! but more headaches follow as there’s a few unsettled matter… let’s hope i can wing this thru aso…

it lab’s closing…

to be continued….