lilin >_

bliss. life’s a bliss. life’s rilly a bliss wen u r surroundd by frens who rilly care and love u. serious. no matter how crazy things may b, they r the ones that kept u sane. they r the ones that kept u going. life’s rilly a bliss with such frens. i hav frens like dat. im so bahagia!!!

i hav frens like dat tho dis sem is my ugliest sem yet- with dry hay hair and superior dark arms and a super fair legs to pair wit. wit my super messy table dat alwiz seems messy no matter how i tidy it up. wit my kelam kabut way of organizing things. wit my super ugly temper. wit my neverending homeworks. wit my horrible way of keeping in touch wit frens. and yet my frens nvr left me…

oooohhhh… life’s rilly been treating me kind. i have frens who r patient wit ridiculous me, frens who watchd out for me, frens who go gai gai wit me, frens who cookd for me, frens who taught me new stuf, frens to share secrets with… all sorts of frens. kinda like the variety of things during a steamboat meal. haha

frens may be the ones who hurt u, but they r also the ones who make ur day. so be kind yea? u nvr noe wen ul hurt sum1 or make sum1’s day brighter =)

be good…

iv been staring at the tube of henna for the past 2 days- very xcited! hehe… cant wait to conteng people’s hands wit it. too bad haven got the time, cz homeworks were (and is STILL) piling up. but nw… muahaha… dun care d. i wanna conteng!!!

best ting abt henna is dat whether its nice or ugly, itl fade one week later, so my poor victims will bear scares of torture for a full week! muahaha…

*plz forgive the crap. tink m suffering frm brain damage due to lack of sleep and the seriously cold weather here.

last sat, ‘dad’ brought us kids for dinner sumwer in georgetown. it’s rilly sumwer, cz i honestly dunno wer i was. u can jz dump us there n i bet vl end up looking lik a bunch of kanak-kanak terbiar the nx day. but the food was rilly yummy (was lik a big big treat after working so hard for the concert). we FEASTED! had kuey teow soup with braised eggs and chicken, tong shui, then v stockd on food like yau char koay and egg tarts and moon cakes and sum herbal tea! how bout that! ha… its kinda cool hanging around georgetown at nite, tho rilly scary. cz most of the streets are dark and deserted. it’s cool to see those seriously bee-yoo-ti-ful buildings at nite. looks kinda mysterious and haunted and yet, at the same time if u can imagine it being in it’s glorious days- it’s rilly magical. we went about little india and sum other streets… jz walking, savouring the moment. nice… the hectic days and the unpleasant days seemd far away at that moment. cool… it’s rilly wonderful when sum small hapi stuf can rilly take all your worries away…

back to reality…

and now, penang’s officially a fully air-conditioned island. well, at least at my 11th floor place. most of the time there’s this wonderful icy breeze blowing into the apartment… COOL. nice change frm the blazing sun. but it rains cats and dogs about 1000 times a day… (tink it’s a blessing sumhow to the muslims la. at least they dun dehydrate as much).

the washing machine’s down. there’s a whole bucketful of laundry staring at me everytime i walkd by the washing area. haihz. y on  earth do v nid clothes? double haihz.

yay… i finally rememberd my topic of the day. the lecture for the day is: WHY GUYS GET JEALOUS? i askd dis to a fren. he said that guys r jealous bcz they care for that sumone. i askd another guy. he said he liked dat answer. wut an answer.

girls wut do u tink? my oni reaction was… how come wen guys r jealous theyr able to put it in such a nice way (ie, they care for u), but wen girls go jealous, they r labeld as hormone imbalanced? wut a big big humongous difference! whoa…

ha… its jz a tot la.. nothing so mendalam or philosophical abt that. wut im more concerned now is not whether i can finish my TONS of homework or not, but how to sweet talk my first victim to diconteng. HENNA RULEZ!!!

today i went to church. good girl.

today rained. and i walkd to church. sifu held the umbrella. smal smal umbrella oni. and v shared the smal smal umbrella on a rainy sunday morning, walking to church. sounds romantic? wait till u hear wut happens nx.

we walk walk to church, and wen we reachd church, i was half dry and half soaked. to be more precise, the right part of my body was dripping wit early sunday morning rain water, and the other half was… wel… not so soaked. even my adidas was like dat.

so v enterd the elevator, and sum kind aunty went like ~ oh… ur rilly all wet. u want a dry shirt? and she insisted that i wear one of the new shirts she brought for donation to kathmandu. i cudn reject her kind offer, cz she RILLY persisted. and so taa daa… i changed. frm my cool black shirt into…

sum batik aunty shirt. wit lotsa spots of blue, light blue and florescent pink. and other weird aunty colors. my goodness………………………… …………………………………………………………………..………………………………………………………………….. after i changed into that shirt, i dun even dare to lookat myself in the mirror…

and i wore that till i went for lunch. til i went to tapao for my roomie. till i went to buy newspaper. and shallots. HOW ELSE AUNTY CAN I BE?

okiz, i noe that the aunty means well. cz if not for her shirt, den mayb im achoo-ng n coughing my life away by now. she oni wantd to make sure that im dry and warm. and sifu was quite sorry dat he din manage to keep me dry. he terselamat, cz he’s quite dry actually. considering the rate of the pouring rain.

neway… the moral of the story is: CARRY DAT XTRA SHIRT. u never noe wen u might nid it!!!

i wantd to upload a pic of the shirt, but then i didn want to be charged of manslaughter. my housemates nearly died laughing watching me wearing dat shirt! haihz…

yday was fusion jazz day. had a lot of unpleasant moments there- felt that there’s no one who appreciates me (i was running around b4 and after the concert n no one gives a damn whether im prepared for concert or not. they jz cared for themselves. i was tinking: SELFISH BEINGS. but then a fren reminded me- who do i tink will care abt me? m i expecting too much out of people around me? so i guess its time to grow up. musn be so naive nymore).neway, it’s MY concert too, so i had fun! best part was dat my first year studio’s penyelaras came to watch us! cool!!! and sum frens… remember wut i said abt playing for people who noes u is rilly dff than playing for strangers? swell…

after concert v went for mamak, den wen i reachd home, immediately i was blogging. was gonna blog abt how sad n pathetic my life had been for the past two weeks, but hey… come to tink of it. it wasn rilly all thorns after all.

i had PEOPLE around me who CARES for me. no matter how ridiculous i am, they accepted me. dat rilly made me super bahagia. honest. rilly dunno how to describe dis feeling, but it’s rilly warm and nice… thankz guys for sticking wit me thru my gila transition… especially to my roomates… n mayb my ‘dad’… and sum of my juniors. cool… i can never manage to list out everyone =)

so i guess it’s HIGH time to get outta my grumpy mood, and start to appreciate things around me.

YEP. not gonna be grumpy anymore!!! yay….

and best part was, i slept more than 10 hours last nite!!!

not so best part is… how m i gonna finish my homeworks? overslept! yikes!!!

haha…. u guys hav fun too la k?

iv been living wit pen-transparent-an for quite sum time nw. noe wut issit? its like sum1 u noe ignores u wenever our good fren sees u and den in return u aso men-transparent-kan our good fren. it’s complicated…

it’s kinda hard trying to xplain it in words, but in short- IT HURTS. hurts for the men-transparent-kan, and hurts for the di-transparent-kan. i noe. cz iv done both verbs.

i tried the men-transparent-kan part today to sum1 who did sumting pretty nasty to me in front of a WHOLE crowd at our good fren’s work area, and then came to my work area. wut did our good fren do? our good fren jz sat quietly in a corner. i dunno wut’s our good fren’s intentions r.

and the di-transparent-kan part… well… there’s not much elaboration on it. it jz felt like ur not there. not acknowledged. not important. it’s like u being jz there irritates the daylights out of sumone. so… it’s jz not a great feeling.

i wudn recommend any one of u to try any of the verbs listed above.

hav fun =)

i am getting crazy! muahaha

iv got 2 half done A3 size drawings, and one COMPLETELY empty A3 sized catridge, waiting to be drawn upon PLUS a half done model of an art gallery whose toilet’s feng shui position is yet to b decided. and there’s practice tonite. n im blogging now. yay…………

cool huh? i rilly dun wanna be my junior’s coursemate nx year la…

so these two days has been really great, save for sum problem which i dun wanna elaborate here. celebd housemate’s bday - got a cool choc ice-cream cake! and there’s tong shui to go wit it the nx day! yummy- life’s a bliss wit great cooks at my place. had porridge (hong kong style) too dis morning… swell…

wanna noe abt my relationship wit my fav alarm clock? i can leave it on the side table one nite, and the nx morning it can miraculously show up on my bed! and the thing is i din even hear it ring… so i guess ’sumone’ musta whackd my phone and then my phone hid under the covers… (ALASAN… haha…). so i oversleep almost everyday, den i kenot finish my homeworks. den i gotta b my juniors’s course mate. haha… jz kidding.

i wanna sleep 12 hours straight after i submit my project!!! yay… sumting to look forward too…

u guys take care yea? catch ya later…

i AM cranky.

was feeling rilly bad (yea yea… self pity… nothing is worse than self-pity in dis world. does not help at all- oni make u feel so sad and kesian and stuf… so moral of the story- dunnot indulge in self pity. more people are far worse than u. the end).

well old lilin is bek. yay… m still feeling pretty dong rite nw, but i NOE that things will turn out fine. it alwiz will… plus the fact dat i have a lot of people who loves and cares for me. so no problem. im gonna lead my life happily. not gonna care wut other people do to my life anymore. they dun hav the rights to ask me to live up to their expectation. it’s MY life.

(pretty self centred. dont care. my life. been tolerating other people for too much now. changing myself (FAKING) so that they will be happy. so that they will be satisfied with me. what about me? i deserve to be happy too).

im not saying dat im withdrawing frm the outer world bek into my own world. i jz believe dat everyone has a right to be happy and to be truly himself. since lots of people love and (sumtimes hate me) jz the way i am, i dun see why i shud fake into another person jz to satisfy some people.

im jz TRULY happy an thankful dat i have people around me who loves me jz the way i am…

not angry or anything. rilly, there’s not much emotions running thru my mind right now. including anger. it’s jz numb. but i can proudly say dat happiness is dominating all other negative or positive feelings.

yep- im ultra optimistic. may seem unreal or not practical for sum, but i CHOOSE to live dat way. makes living life happier =)

gloomy colour. gloomy weather in penang. gloomy person crapping. times ae indeed G-L-O-O-M-Y

so wut the heck am i complaining abt, seeing dat i may b leading the time of my life on the surface…

for one, the up coming concerts gonna kill me soon. pretty soon. very very soon. asking a blundering dong to lead a concert is the biggest mistake anyone can do. come on, im sum1 who’s so ’systematic’ dat i hardly noe wer on earth did i leave my keys, let alone documenting and making notes and doing accounts and planning stuf and … the list never ends. wen sumting’s went wrong (and sumtime it’s not dat serious at all), guess who’s gonna have a earache+major cardiac arrest+stroke? uv guessd it. i mean, it’s not dat i can control each and everyone rite? it’s like i have extra lectures and nagging and even worse- sarcastic advices (sum word i made up. u noe wut it means rite? sum1 wanting to point out ur wrong or wanting to giv u sum advices, but in the process of it, they er… make fun of u…) almost everyday. boy, do i enjoy those bombs. rilly made my day. left me feeling like a complete idiot.and worse part is i noe dat theyr right. so dat’s when the above attacks come in- frm excessiv bottled up anger- cz i cant exactly rebuke them or to defend myself…

so, my fav hobby now is getting angry at myself. and mayb blurting out god noes wut (think sumtimes hurtful) to people around me who GENUINELY cares for cranky me. my goodness… wut kind of a fren am i?

and wen working in a big group like dis, not xactly everyone wanna work together. some jz prefer to work individually, and sum … well… u noe group works. so most of the time i get into huge trouble for being outdated, cz frankly, 99% of the time i dunno wut the heck is going on…

next comes in my favorite studio. iv been neglecting my work for quite sum time. getting scraed nw, cz people around me seems to move forward, while im still standing in the same old place? kiasu? being left behind is an awful feeling. trust me… plus the fact dat i din manage to finish my autoCAD test jz nw adds to my wall of fame…

relationships. wow… im getting rilly ‘great’ at relationships. people actually cares for me, but wut i did was continually misunderstanding and hurting them. m such a great fren, arent i? plus my bigger than humongous ego and pride arent actually helping out in dis situation…

and my gums r rilly killing me at the moment. swollen thankz to many ‘peaceful’ nitez.

so… like i said… life’s jz full of thorns at the moment.

sometimes i think god rilly loves me. cz he blessed me with lots of frens who take me for wut i am (which require a substantial patience), who rilly cares for me, and i noe dat theyr willing to see me thru storms and tsunamis. thank god for them. theyv been supporting and comforting me wenever i nidd these most. making me feel at home, and dat im loved and belonged to somewer. it’s more than i can ask for.

come to tink of it, there r roses in my life after all… 

laz nite i xperienced wut iv been xperiencing most of the time nowadays- the mixture of anxiety, gladness and mayb anger… and other emotions one could possible have. tink im goin nuts… ever happend to u? or issit jz me?

rewind bek to a few days bfor yday- i was busy enjoying my hapi life of staying up late everynite doing god noes wut kinda homeworks and suddenly one guy kept asking me questions abt preparation for the upcoming concert. being half on screensaver mode, i oni managed to answer tons of dunno to zillions of questions, and all dis while i was getting madder at myself cz i took the concert too easily. at one point i even askd him, y r u pushing me? felt bad, cz i noe he’s tired too and only wantd to help out… so dat’s how i returnd his kindness- by being pek chek at him. (sumone plz smack me hard on the head!)

so the nx day, went to bigger boss and she said the same stuf as the previous guy. so i kena nagged twice. nx nx day, met up wit big boss and apparently he’s trying to bribe me wit sweet talks and stuf- but i noe he’s gonna kill me anytime i dun perform up to xpectation.

consider the pressure exerted. and consider the nx situation.

laz meeting ithey askd for a meeting, so i put a meeting yday bfor band practice. guess how many showd up? mayb 5 kind souls (bless them…). didn feel anything at first, but as time goes by, anger slowly cookd up. i admit it, i hav a huge pride, and am even egoistic at times.so i rilly felt dat they treated me as if im transparent, and i knew dat if i dun make my presence felt, il lose my privelege to monitor and coordinate the whole team…

wham bammm… old mean lilin is bek again after years of shirking responsibilities (im kinda a great shirker now…). askd for a meeting after practice, and lashd out at them. guess i kinda shockd them- the total reverse of the usual lilin.

yday’s incident led me to tink dat mayb iv been fake all dis while. mayb they haven seen dis part of me. mayb theyl think badly of me. was pretty worried after the incident (heyz, i noe dat we shudn take seriously of how other people think of us, but i honestly beliv everyone wants to b accepted…so plz pardon me).

neway, thank god for a few supportiv people who (although terkejut) supported me thru n thru, and assured me dat theyl back me up all the way. yay! was really glad dat i do hav sum rilly good frens… tho i may not be close to them…

gotta go to my favorite bm class now. mayb there’s the best place to put on my muka screensaver. catch up later…

wowz… had super exciting past few days.

the whole apartment was gila-ing wit masing-masing’s homework for a few days, and suddenly guess wut they did???

christmas songs!!! suddenly everyone was listening to those merry tunes (during an ironically un-merry situation… =.=) and (of all thingz) singing to those tunes… very merry le?

then after v got sick of those merry happi tunes, suddenly sum1 switchd to spongebob squarepantz theme! (dis is wut happen wen people who hav seriously insufficient sleep stay together n do homework together…). den yday i downloaded… guess wut? doraemon theme! cool eh? siao… and we had the lagu khidmat negara too…

neway, m busy with the upcoming jazzband concert now- they made me the director (of all thingz… they truly dunno me…). was a bit kelam kabut (wit all the projects and assignments and practices… summore brain in screensaver mode due to lack of sleep… hehe). thank god i hav sum rilly great people around me who’s kind enouf to help me out =) 

had lots fun…. hope u guys had fun too =)